Companionable Silence

For some bizarre reason, sometimes the more there is going on, the less I feel inclined to write. Despite the fact that, for me, writing is a proven processing assistant and during many an overwhelming time, I have turned to the documenting process to help things filter and sieve and settle – for these past few fat, busy weeks I have felt less inclined than usual to pick up a pen, or sit down at the keyboard.

I’d like to say it’s because I am tired, and by the early afternoon I am all but used up and need to get these Füße hoch. But we’re all tired. I’d also like to say it’s because I am just so frantically busy I don’t have time to sit down and write. But, like I said, come afternoon I am often flat out like a lizard drinking, on the couch, feet up, eating something (it’s the baby’s fault, she is constantly hungry). So busy? Yes and no and certainly not too busy to write.

The truth of the matter is, sometimes writing and I need a break from one another, or at least to sit in companionable silence for a while, not talking, dissecting, probing, solving, sharing, or bothering one another to find the right words and pinch and tweak a piece of writing into existence. And sometimes, like right now, the need for those companionable silences coincides with a time in life when a lot is going on, which is both frustrating but necessary at the same time.

I have also been giving some thought to how I want to continue blogging once our little addition arrives. How much do I want to put online, how much do I want to share about a family of three, two of which deserve and have a right to their privacy and anonymity, one of which will be far too small to know what that even means, let alone consent to having these rights breached. I love having this platform to write on and to write for, and I don’t at all plan on closing up shop. It is simply more a matter of re-calibrating and figuring out where the balance lies.

In the meantime, summer is going above and beyond its call of duty and producing some stunning light and colour at the moment. The birds are so happy, they sing until about 10.30pm which is slightly disorienting, but rather lovely. World Cup hysteria is creeping in, and will likely detonate tomorrow when Germany plays Portugal. Kieler Woche kicks off this coming Friday – it was a year ago we were here and starting to pack up to move back down to Bavaria. Two years ago that I was packing up to leave for Sydney. And time marches relentlessly on, wonderfully and scarily so, as I get bigger and she gets closer.

I think I just broke the silence.

photo (3)

6 thoughts on “Companionable Silence

  1. Sometimes we need some silence to contemplate the things to come and like you said, what to write about once your addition arrives.
    I’m in a similar setting right now, though I have no Baby incoming but have formed a new and exhilarating relationship with someone. Part of me wants to scream it out to the world through every social media outlet there is to let everybody know, but at the same time I want to keep it more on the private level where only a few people know about it so we can have our peace and quiet when we need it.
    Sometimes it is tough balancing it all out 😉

    1. Wonderful news Lutz! I do think there is something to be gained from keeping these things all to oneself for a while, so they can develop and settle in your own mind, before you sing from the rooftops. But singing from the rooftops is mighty tempting!

    1. It’s funny, isn’t it. Then there are these phases, that generally follow the non-writing ones, in which all you want to do is furiously document. Perhaps because you have finished mentally processing it, you are ready to put it on paper? Who knows.

  2. Well, you seem to be reaching a time where ‘caring is not sharing’ – pardon the idiotic statement. As you know, you can decide what and what not to post – you seem to already realise sharing intimate details regarding your newborn is not what you really want to do? Who knows. Whatever you feel comfortable with posting will surely suffice…. The blog will live on!

    1. It will definitely live on! Just got to test out new waters of sharing (and caring). Plus, as if having a baby here isn’t going to open up whole new worlds of Things Germans Do!

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