Of Corners & Vulnerable Apartments

It’s funny what suddenly clicks when a place you have been wanting to leave, becomes a place you will leave very soon. It’s as if, up until that moment, you weren’t quite permitted to feel too much affection for it, so focused were you on getting out of it. Now that I know we’re getting out, this apartment, this home, feels strangely vulnerable, like I need to give it a hug and assure it that we did love it, we do, even though we’re packing it up and doing all we can to leave it.

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Our apartment looks particularly vulnerable at the moment, stripped of its paintings and posters, the shelves completely – and somewhat embarrassed about it – empty, standing there apologetically. The fresh white paint is so white, and the moving boxes are their usual ugly and bottomless selves. Do you always pack them and then think, ‘everything I own cannot possibly be in those boxes …’ at the same time as thinking, ‘surely I don’t need or use all of this stuff.’?

We’ll never live here again – and I can say that with the confidence of living with a north German who will do everything in his power to never live in the south again. And, while this has been an important and significant experience for me in my own German adventure, I won’t be living here again out of choice either. It is a beautiful, historical corner of the world, Bavaria, but it isn’t my corner. I know that now.

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I’m not sure what I’ll miss about living down here – yet. I’ll probably manage to gather a whole list of things as we drive out of here in just a week’s time. And if it isn’t things I miss about this place, that will jolt some sort of thought, it will be the very real knowledge that this time of my life that is coming to a close, in due time for what lies ahead. A lot happened down here, for me, for us, it is a period of time that holds an awful lot of memories and this place, for all the faults we found with it, has kept them all safe and sound, even when we were struggling with living here, even when we were planning to leave. This place, as a name, represents something bigger than our actual affection for it, which is a curious thing.

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So we’ll keep packing up our naked little flat, keep moving towards getting out of here. And these funny little things will keep clicking as the days count down to leaving this corner of the country.

 

10 thoughts on “Of Corners & Vulnerable Apartments

  1. Life is funny like that. At the beginning you don’t want to live in a particular place, and then after a while when you leave it again you feel weird for doing so. I know what that’s like.
    Every place that we visit or live in for a certain amount of time shapes us into a slightly different person, and it’s these things that give us this weird feeling.

    At least that is my take on it 🙂

    1. Totally agree. As someone once said to me, each place you live in peels away another layer – very, very true.

  2. Ahhh sounds so much like us. We could not wait to get out of Southern Sweden and now love living in the North but every sometimes it would be nice to be back there and eat at our favorite restaurants and see friends and family.

    1. Exactly – I am sure we’ll visit from time to time, but not live. All his family are up north, so we’re looking forward to being within reach of that network when we get up there, too. Down here we’re nigel no friends (save for one or two of his colleagues), big time.

  3. Ahhhhh, northern Germany… I too am “stuck” in the south. They are “different” here! ;-))

  4. It’s a similar but different feeling, finally leaving Münster. I’ll definitely miss this place after living here 3.5 years, although I have some complaints and I know I probably wouldn’t want to live here ‘forever’ in any case… My girlfriend is a southerner though, and we’re moving to Braunschweig so it should be interesting! Where exactly are you moving to again?

    1. It is so exciting you are moving – are you looking forward to a change of scene? I’ve never been to Braunschweig before. When do you head off? We’re off in approximately 6 days.

      1. Yea, definitely looking forward to some change. I’ll always remember Münster fondly, but I couldn’t settle here so now’s a good a time as any to try something different. My girlfriend found a job, so for now I’m riding her coattails and looking for better paying jobs. We’re moving on the 31st! Braunschweig isn’t the prettiest city overall (comparing to Münster), and feels a little errr, provincial… but it certainly has some ‘schöne Ecken’ as the Germans say, and people seem pretty friendly so far. Hannover is very close, and Hamburg and Berlin are also just 2 hours away, which are bonuses. You’re welcome to visit any time, and I myself have got to finally come up north. I’ve still never been to the German coast or anywhere near it…

  5. So often your posts touch me emotionally. Because you share so honestly snd from the heart.

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